When A Gay Man Trapped in A Girl's Body Ranting About Making Artwork

random midnight sketch with pen (it was my teacher's signature because I was proposing to transfer this sketch to my etch)

I was in in these group discussion on how women artists-from fine arts and performing arts-respond to the relation between conflicts (the '65) and culture.  To be honest, I don't really care about confilcts, mostly because I can't really relate to them (especially one of my favorite teacher who was there was like "Conflict is a really old topic"), but this discussion sparked some really inducing questions about women artists.  Like, one of my teacher, a prominent sculptor, said that to represents conflicts, pain, dan women issue, it is easier for performing arts because they have stage.  Fine arts build their own "vision prison" by its frame or the three-dimensional size, while performing has no limit.

Another interesting question was "Can we tell merely by looking at the artwork, it was made by a woman or a man?".  One responded that "Idea is gender-less".  Sort of true, but not really true, in my opinion. Then one of the speaker, who is a teacher in a well-known art school added that in 90s some women artists in Bali use men's name to exhibit their artworks (which is interesting that there was a period in Indonesia's literary where men's use women's name).

My teacher shot the discussion again with a concern on how small the amount of women artists, that the fact of large number of girls in art schools contradicts with the number of well-known women artists name in the industry.  My thought is that it was the woman herself.  Being an artist has some "un-feminine" quality, like lifting heavy stuffs & play dirty stuffs.  I was witnessing my own peer in artschool, screaming and jittering when they sprayed a spray paint, because they afraid to get dirty (And I was like "Gurrrrlll, what are you doing here anyway").  I never saw an established women artists not having a slight of masculine quality.  I mean look at Sarah Oppeinheimer, Frida Kahlo, my women teachers.

They said "An artists must suffer". Girls just wanna have fun.  Remember when van Gogh wrote to Theo, his brother, "saying that he could only remember eating six hot meals since May of the previous year", well, I don't think most girls would want to have that phase, they don't even want to eat without spoon sometimes  (But girls are very good at self-sabotage/self-hurt, just saying, and girls easily get depressed with those hormones, now it is really confusing though.).  Maybe some people be like "You don't have to be dirty dan messy while doing your artwork", but I don't know really, I haven't reached that stage where my pants didn't get oilpaint stains, my lungs didn't get polluted with those clay, resin, and nitric acid particles, or asphalt slipping and staying forever into my fingernails.  80 % of me don't care and 20% care at how ugly I look while working, but I guess most people only care about the results, and if my works turn out good and beautiful in the aftermath, those sweats dont really matter.

But then again my artworks are sucks and so fucking basic.

Sorry.